everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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