When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
