I just made out with a guy for $7.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
you told grandpa to call you daddy
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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