apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
