The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
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when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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