So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
