We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
