his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
