Midget sex pt 2 tonight
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
