This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
My breasts were aching with rage.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
