the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
