please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Randomize
