You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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