As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
