I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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