I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
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