dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Randomize
