no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I want to fling myself into the sun
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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