Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
