Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Randomize
