Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize