I think my fart just growled at me.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
