I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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