This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Randomize
