i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
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i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
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If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"