Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower