i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
