You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
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The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
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Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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