saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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