I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
