I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
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