I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
