I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
