I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
