I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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