Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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