the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
