why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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