I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
