glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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