I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
There's always time for handjobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize