I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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