And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
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