Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
