I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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