He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
