Don't make out with my wife yet
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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