Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
