I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
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