I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
