Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
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