thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
