there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
