how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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