Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
