it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Randomize
