I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
