Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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