I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
