Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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