So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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