he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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