at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I did not marry a roomba.
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