We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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