In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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