Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
