Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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